Saturday, November 21, 2009

Featured Pipe Smoker (Fictional?): J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs (c. 1930s - 1984?)

"If you act like a dumbshit, they'll treat you like an equal."

"Just because some jackass is an atheist doesn't mean that his prophets and gods are any less false."

"You know how dumb the average person is? Well, by definition, half of 'em are even dumber than THAT."

"I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to."

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs was born in Dallas possibly sometime during the 1930s or so, the son of a pharmacist. He became wealthy at an early age by playing the stock market over the telephone. In 1953 he saw an image of God (which he called JHVH-1) on a television he had built himself and it inspired him to found his own church, called The Church of the SubGenius. He married his primary wife Connie in 1955, worked as a model and a novelty gag inventor, and preached on weekends "strictly for the money." He was assassinated in San Francisco in 1984, but has allegedly returned from the dead several times since then.

According to the Church, "Bob" is the greatest salesman who ever lived. "Bob" is never seen without his pipe, and his pipe is always lit. Because of this, some have speculated that the pipe is not a conventional pipe at all, but an alien symbiont that has attached itself to his mouth.

Nevertheless, "Bob" is said to smoke an herb called habafropzipulops, or "frop," which can be grown only on the graves of Tibetan monks and must be fertilized with Yeti dung. We don't know for sure what brand of pipe he prefers, though as to shape he always uses a straight billiard, and there is strong indication that it could be a Dr. Grabow.

For much more information on "Bob" and the Church, follow the link above. But be warned, because in the end you will pay to know what you really think.

The graphic above was scanned by myself from the cover of The Book of the SubGenius, with a hand scanner many years ago. As anyone who has ever used a hand scanner can tell you, it is almost impossible to scan-and-stitch a large picture with an old hand scanner because the different scans always come out slightly different sizes. This is the only large graphic I was ever able scan and stitch that didn't come out lopsided. Coincidence? I think not. The slack was strong in me that day.

The animated gif below illustrates one of the profound mysteries of the Church of the SubGenius: is "Bob" smoking the pipe, or is the pipe smoking "Bob"?

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